How to Heal Your Inner Child
Do you pay attention to the little voice inside of you? The one that reminds you of your younger self? No matter how old we grow, we all have an Inner Child that we carry within us day-to-day.
Your Inner Child can be symbolic of several things: a direct representation of yourself in your early years, an embodiment of playfulness and youthful dreams and/or a collection of developmental stages you have undergone. However, not everyone associates their Inner Child with positive feelings and fond memories. With trauma, neglect and/or other emotional pain, your Inner Child can seem vulnerable, small, reactive and in need of protection. For example, if you were told to not express emotions as a child, you may have learned to suppress them, even persisting into adulthood. Because your Inner Child stems from childhood experiences and can manifest in maladaptive ways that make it difficult to navigate as an adult, it is beneficial to consider Inner Child work. Inner Child work is the self-discovery process of healing and reconnecting with your young self, which creates opportunities to develop healthy coping skills, gain introspection and unlock creativity, potential, joy and more. In therapy, it is an approach to recognizing and healing childhood trauma, and addressing unmet needs. Anyone can do Inner Child work- if they are open to exploring their past and initiating the process.
Signs
When considering Inner Child work, it is helpful to consider if your Inner Child is wounded as a place to start. A wounded Inner Child may manifest some or most of the following signs:
Feeling frustrated or irritated
Overvaluing independence
Having angry outbursts
Struggling with explaining and/or suppressing feelings
Feeling unheard and inadequate
Having low self-esteem
Having a harsh inner critic
Self-sabotaging
Feeling abandoned
Having commitment issues and/or insecure attachments
Struggling with setting boundaries
Facing difficulties expressing needs
Methods
While the past cannot be changed, you can loosen the grip it has on you. Here are some steps that can be taken to start the healing process:
Listen to yourself. Developing self-awareness is a powerful tool to nurture your Inner Child. For example, ask yourself when you get upset or frustrated, “What things are happening? Who are you talking to?” Paying attention and understanding triggers can help you connect them to childhood wounds.
Love yourself. If love was an intangible and/or inconsistent concept portrayed by others growing up, it can be difficult to embrace self-love. A part of Inner Child work is learning how to cherish your young self, and subsequently loving your whole self. This includes identifying and validating unmet childhood needs to allow you to give yourself the compassion and love you deserve.
Meditate. Meditation has a plethora of benefits, including learning to sit with difficult emotions and becoming more self-aware. Becoming more attuned to feelings is an effective way to strengthen healthy emotional regulation skills, thereby healing your Inner Child.
Write a letter. To open a dialogue with your Inner Child, writing a letter to your young self can be powerful. You can write about childhood memories from your adult perspective, allowing you to gain insight and explanations for circumstances you did not understand back then. You can also offer messages of comfort and reassurance to your Inner Child in hopes to help alleviate some of the lingering pain.
Journal as your Inner Child. Journaling from the perspective of your young self can help you recognize unhelpful patterns that occurred in your childhood. By allowing yourself to channel your Inner Child through looking at photos or doing a visualization exercise, it can help you recall how you felt at the specific age you are intending to explore through journaling.
Parent yourself. If grudges are held against the people who raised you in your childhood, being your own parent can act as a leeway to developing compassion and self-care, validating your Inner Child and coping with the emotional wounds. Meaning, when you notice your wounded Inner Child feeling hurt, step in the way you wish someone would have when you were young.
Try Inner Child therapy. If interested in professional support, an Inner Child therapist can provide the space and guidance needed to explore possible connections between your childhood experiences and potential influences on your adult behaviors in a healthy manner, especially when revisiting past trauma.
Reimagine your childhood. Oftentimes, Inner Child work starts with visualization techniques to analyze past memories in bits and pieces. Because it can be triggering to recontextualize trauma in particular, it is important to work with a mental health professional and practice self-care.
Talk to your loved ones. Because resentment and blame can be directed towards the people in your childhood, it can create disconnections from understanding their perspectives. While others’ struggles do not justify abuse and neglect, it can be helpful to gain insight on their perspectives for closure purposes. It can even create possibilities to repair those relationships if desired.
Take responsibility. Inner Child work requires taking responsibility for healing. Because it is not always probable to get apologies from those who have hurt you in childhood, there can be a lack of closures. However, it is possible to recognize that you deserve to heal, take ownership on healing and work through the lack of closures with a mental health professional.
Remember to play. Unfortunately and yet commonly, adults tend to forget how to play. With societal pressures, adults may believe that in order to be successful, they must be serious. However, it is okay to engage in things just because they are fun and enjoyable, no matter how trivial they are. Playing should be encouraged for people of all ages, as it has a vital role in feeling connected with oneself, nurturing creativity, rekindling positive, youthful emotions and healing.
Rewards
By healing your Inner Child, you can begin to create the safety, security and validation your young self has always needed and wanted. By doing so, the positive traits of your Inner Child have the potential to be unlocked and shine. Some of the rewards that come from Inner Child work are:
Accepting and reconnecting with your young self
Gaining introspection and self-awareness
Understanding and validating how past trauma and emotional wounds affect your present behaviors
Reconnecting to dreams, talents and passions you may have put aside
Developing healthy coping mechanisms
Improving emotional regulation and combatting patterns of maladaptive behaviors and thoughts
Feeling empowered and in control of your life
Having increased self-compassion, compassion for others and self-esteem
Restoring the part of you that felt free and unafraid to fail
If you find yourself feeling stuck and you are unsure why, it might be your Inner Child asking for support and acknowledgment. Understanding how your childhood experiences impact your choices and behaviors today can help you get unstuck. It is never too late to start the process of nurturing your Inner Child and healing.
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Staff Blogger: Jaycee Wendell
Jaycee Wendell (they/them) is a recent cum laude graduate from the University of Delaware with dual degrees in Human Services- Clinical Concentration and Sociology. They are a Community Educator at The Mental Health Association in Delaware. Jaycee is passionate about advocacy, social issues and human rights, especially for the LGBTQ+ community and disability community. In their free time, they like to be creative, go on adventures and explore nature.