From Dysfunctional to Free: My ADHD Journey

When I joined MHA in April of this year, I described the experience to many friends and colleagues as “coming home.” I felt I had found my circle.  

My MHA team members have one thing in common – they’ve all overcome incredible hardship, and they use what they’ve learned to help others experience similar breakthroughs. They’ve beaten the odds, and they’ve lived to tell their stories. Their stories are powerful proof that with the right kind of support, we can all change our lives for the better. 

Half the reason I jumped at the chance to join MHA is because I want to help others by sharing my own story. 

By all appearances, my career in the mental health and substance use field has been a success. I have forged incredible professional relationships throughout the region. But this didn’t come easily. For a long time, I have been fighting the hardest battle – the one against myself. 

For most of my life, I struggled with feeling overwhelmed.  

I had anxiety attacks, depression, and migraines. I felt like an outsider, even when I was in the room and could easily share my opinion. I’d get tongue-tied and emotional. I struggled with imposter syndrome. I could plan and manage million-dollar projects but couldn’t manage my own finances. I mastered monotonous jobs quickly and I’d get bored and bitter if I didn’t advance to the next level.  

I compared myself to other people all the time – and always felt like the one person who was irreparably screwed up. I remember saying to my bestie, “I always feel like the dumbest person in the room.” She told me to stop that, because she saw me as “an intellectual badass.” (I keep that little nugget of wisdom tucked away for when the self-doubt returns.) 

As you might imagine, when I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in 2022, everything about my life began to make sense. The more books I read about ADHD, the more I realized how my diagnosis was missed for so many years. Like so many people, knowing I had ADHD helped me find a critical missing piece. Soon afterward, I discovered I also had dyslexia, dyscalculia, and (it would seem) an auditory processing disorder, which are hallmarks of an ADHD diagnosis. It all fit. 

In the 90s, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) was seen as an issue mostly impacting boys. Girls were exempt, or so it seemed. My parents saw ADD as just another opportunity to dismiss a problem child’s bad behavior and/or bad parenting. But a recent conversation with a former principal helped me see the signs were always there. I wasn’t physically hyperactive, but I dealt with constant stomach issues (which I now realize was stress), and I was in trouble for “daydreaming” in class. I remember doodling on the side of a paper test because I finished before everyone else (and I was bored), and I got points deducted for “making a mess.” 

Soon after receiving my diagnosis, I began talking about it to other people. That felt good. And right. 

Not only is ADHD regularly undiagnosed in females, but it also comes with an entire new set of problems, depending on what stage of life you’re in. For example, ADHD can make a middle-aged female (like me) feel like she’s losing her mind. My own situation was further complicated by a malfunctioning thyroid and history of domestic violence, including physical, emotional, and psychological abuse. 

This was not an easy path to travel, nor is it one that should be traveled alone.  

The most important factor in healing from my own challenges was having the right people and resources. I received overwhelming support from neighbors, friends, and family members. My beau of 12 years showed me the definition of loyalty and refused to abandon me when things got rough. Through MHA and the Delaware Coalition Against Domestic Violence (DCADV), I found free domestic violence therapy and support groups. These mission-based community programs made a difference in my life, and I continue to refer others to these programs.  

Finding out I had ADHD changed me forever. Once that piece was in place, I could see the bigger picture. I had unknowingly used cognitive behavioral strategies that I learned from my work in brain injury to fill the gaps where my memory or awareness failed me. I earned my bachelor’s and master’s degrees. I achieved a certain degree of success that, for other people with ADHD, might have been entirely out of reach.  

My diagnosis freed me from thinking I was flawed. I also learned that my ADHD symptoms led to my success when I could figure out how to harness them. More recently I also learned I may have a form of autism spectrum disorder, but I haven’t fully explored that area just yet. One life-changing move at a time.  

For me, joining the MHA team was a no-brainer. I already knew MHA’s value to people in recovery from mental illness and substance use disorders. MHA’s educational conferences (which my new position supports) provide unparalleled discussions on tough topics. We’re not afraid to talk about mental illness, suicide, and addiction. We know we need to have honest conversations about the challenges we face as a society, so we can work together to overcome them. 

If you’d like to be part of our upcoming conferences as a participant, sponsor, or speaker, please reach out to me via email at esther@mhainde.org. I’m here to help you connect with others that want to be the change they want to see in this world. 

Love, Esther  

Staff Blogger: Esther Hofknecht Curtis, MSM-HCA - Development Manager of Growth and Education

In April 2024, Esther joined the Mental Health Association as the Development Manager of Growth & Education and will work to promote MHA's major educational initiatives to the broader community. Prior to MHA, Esther worked in outreach for SUN Behavioral Delaware, guiding people to treatment for mental health and substance use disorders. She is an advocate for education and equitable healthcare for all populations, and has experience in the fields of brain injury, developmental disabilities, LGBTQA+, and domestic violence. She is a problem solver and loves to build systems that streamline functions and help all to work efficiently. Esther earned her Master of Science in Management in Healthcare Administration from Wilmington University, and her Bachelor of Science in Organizational Leadership from Thomas Edison State University. Esther has a passion for personal growth, art, music, family, food, and friends.