The Truth Behind Parasocial Relationships
Most of us, at some point in our lives, have had a person (or multiple people) that we’ve looked up to. While these could be family members, friends, co-workers, and/or teachers (to name a few), a lot of the time it is people we’ve never even met. Call them an idol, icon or just someone you strongly admire, they can range from a TV character, movie star, athlete, musician or, in the age of ever-growing social media, an influencer. That being said, when does an everyday admiration or respect for a celebrity figure become something…more?
Parasocial relationships are defined as “one-sided relationships where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time into another person who is unaware of the other’s existence.” Typically, a celebrity - but it doesn’t have to be! You can have a parasocial relationship with a character in your favorite book series or even video game. An example of this that comes to mind is the popular video game, The Last of Us. An action-adventure game released in 2013, it was almost immediately a fan favorite and received praise on everything from the character development to the plot, as well as the visual and sound design. Last year, The Last of Us was released as a TV show and people fell in love with the story and characters all over again, as well as the actors who portrayed them.
While the terminology may be relatively new, the concept of parasocial relationships has been around for ages. Social media may make it easier to form parasocial relationships, but we, as a society as a whole, have been admiring movie stars and/or athletes ever since movie stars and athletes became a “thing.” So, how do they form – and why?
Parasocial relationships begin how all relationships begin; through interaction. However, unlike traditional relationships (romantic and/or otherwise), these interactions don’t need to necessarily involve interaction from the other party. Meaning it can begin from stumbling upon the person on a social media platform to listening to a song the artist or band just released or even hearing about the figure through a friend. From this first interaction it usually grows into something more “serious,” such as going to a band’s multiple live shows, listening to all their music and sometimes, even meeting the band members in-person.
Also, like traditional relationships, the attachment to the person(s) can grow more intense or even eventually fizzle out completely. This tends to happen as we grow and our taste in music/TV shows/movies change and therefore, our attachment to the people who produce said music or act in these television shows/movies change, as well.
The reason(s) behind why we form parasocial relationships is a tad more unclear. There are some that say, due to the repeated amounts of time we take in the specific form of media (such as television show), the more we are going to become attached to the show itself, as well as characters/actors that are in it. There are also some that report it is due to loneliness and the “lonelier we feel, the more we will engage in a parasocial relationship.”
It is also important to note that simply being a “fan” of something or someone doesn’t always equate to a parasocial relationship. Psychology Today makes sure to mention that “being a fan or part of a fandom is most often admiring the celebrity for their talent or an actor for their portrayal of a certain character, but not caring about their personal lives or who they are off the screen or stage.” However, those in a parasocial relationship are more concerned with the person(s) themselves and feel as they really know them, at least to some extent.
Another thing that is critical to note is that, similar to “traditional” relationships, there are different types or “levels” of being in a parasocial relationship. While originally considered to be unhealthy, the majority of parasocial relationships today are found to relatively harmless and also, quite common. In the age of social media, it has even become more common for celebrities and fans to “interact”, even if it is a liked Instagram post or a reposted TikTok video. That in mind, what is considered to be “healthy” parasocial relationships can quickly turn unhealthy and/or obsessive if it causes serious disruption to the person’s actual relationship(s), work life, mental health, and/or everyday responsibilities.
Now, it would be remiss to discuss parasocial relationships and not mention the complicated connection these relationships can have with grief. While it is a normal reaction to feel sad when anyone passes away, it is usually more common to feel intense grief and mourn those who pass away who are close to us, such as a family member and/or friend. However, it is also normal and OK to grieve those we’ve never even met. Most recently, the world, specifically those of us who were born in the mid-late 90s and had a boy band phase, were shocked and saddened with the passing of Liam Payne, former member of the band, One Direction. For you, it may have been the other relatively recent passing of Friend’s star, Matthew Perry. Maybe it was the passing of Kobe Bryant, Carrie Fisher and then her mother, Debbie Reynolds, Chadwick Boseman, Betty White, Robin Williams or Michael Jackson. I still remember where I was when I heard about Steve Irwin’s passing, even being only 11 years old at the time.
Sometimes we may question if we are “allowed” to mourn someone we’ve never met, but I think the better question is “why shouldn’t we?” For some of these celebrities, it could be someone that has grown up alongside us or was there for during some of the hardest parts of our childhood. It could also be someone your loved one, who has since passed, looked up to/admired and now that this famous figure has passed themselves, it has you reliving the grief all over again. Or maybe there isn’t even a reason behind it and you just feel sad. Grief, itself, can be complicated, but it can feel even more complicated viewing grief through a parasocial lens.
As mentioned prior, parasocial relationships doesn’t have to have a negative connotation. Some people use these relationships to help them build connections and start conversations with others who have the same interest in the musical artist/athlete/author, etc. Also, according to an article by Time Magazine, creating a sort of attachment to a celebrity figure can help create a sense of comfort and help someone get through difficult times they may be experiencing. So, while it is possible to cross the line, it doesn’t always equate to a bad thing either.
Parasocial relationships, when unhealthy, can increase the risk of isolation or cause conflict amongst you and your partner, friends, etc. When healthy, or the benefits of them, are that they can decrease the possibility of isolation, allow for a positive role-model or help you create new friendships on the basis of a common interest/person. However, if you do find yourself giving too much attention to a celebrity figure (actress, musician, author, etc.,) it is also important to take a step back. If it is someone you follow on social media, unfollow the person for a month or take a break from social media altogether. Other advice includes setting boundaries and prioritizing genuine relationships with the people in your life. Last, but not least, while these relationships can be common and relatively harmless, if it is causing distress or disruption to your life, it is important to talk to a mental health professional.
Staff Blogger: Mollie Clupper
Mollie Clupper works for MHA as a Communications and Support Specialist. Using her own experiences, she wants to help bring awareness and end the stigma surrounding mental health. In her spare time, she enjoys hiking, drinking coffee, and spending time with loved ones.